It’s been long but brilliant birthday, this 17th Jan, 2010. I enjoyed an amazing time with the Lord and all the dear friends God sent my way. I am overwhelmed seeing my Facebook inbox but I hope to take time to reply to everyone who sent their prayers and wishes. I believe friends are a blessing from God. I want to thank each one of you for taking time to simply wish the best for me. I thank the Lord for each one of you and request you to continually pray for me. You can also partner here to receive our monthly newsletter that will update you with our prayer requests and meetings itinerary.
After a lot of thought, I decided to share this, with the hope of it being an encouragement to someone. Last year held a lot of different things for me but it has also been year of moulding in my life. God brought a great change in my perspective in my heart with regard to the overall ministry.
One of the most significant times was when I found myself with a broken dream. For more than a year (early part of 2009), I dreamed about studying in this particular Bible College in England. I was accepted by the college. I even almost brought some winter clothes. I went through the long and tough ordeal to apply for a UK visa. I was very excited at the prospect of gaining new exposure, the disciplined life of Bible study and the thought that finally people would stop asking me which Bible college I had studied. But I was completely shattered when I heard that I didn’t get the visa.
It was not the first time that I felt rejection or did not get a visa to a country. Yet this particular time it was my very long ‘godly’ dream that was shattered. Well, I hid my rejection well from, in fact, everyone. But from within my heart was crushed. I wondered why God had been so unkind with a godly ambition. Heaven didn’t help either; it was as silent as ever. I tried to live my life numb to the pain of my heart. But, a month went by and I struggled with my prayer life. I felt rejected by God.
I finally decided to deal with it. I took my praying to the road. Strangers passing on by ignoring to the tears that blended with the darkness around that evening. I silenced my heart in the midst of the noise of bikes and cars zipping by. I began to ask God, “Why did you allow this? Had I done something that You are mad about? Lord please speak to me”
There was only silence the more I spoke. Finally, I began to move from questions to thanking God for everything else in my life. As tears continued to flow down my cheeks, I heard the distinct voice of the Holy Spirit within me. It was the simple yet powerful three words, “I love you.”
I love you? Really!?! It felt like a joke. This was preaching to the preacher! I know God loves. I needed more. I wanted to hear the heavens open. Maybe, give me some complicated verses that I would have to find the roots words for. I just wished He would give me more. The mere words, “I love you” did not feel practical enough an answer, to my questions. To my unsatisfied, questioning heart, I then heard the Holy Spirit ask me if I believed God loved me. To which I blurted, “Yes! Yes, I believe you love me.” And then what the Holy Spirit replied changed my whole perspective itself. He said, “Then, trust me 100%.”
It felt like lightning in my heart. For a second I froze and I quickly wiped away my tears. There was a strength that came into my heart. A revelation crept into my Spirit. If I believed God loves me then I would trust Him all the way! How often do we trust God with the beginning and we want to maneuver the end of the plan according to what seem best to us? God is looking for complete surrender through our lives.
It changed my whole perspective on how I saw blessings. It was not about where I was in life but instead about where God wants me to be. Even, when Jesus was hanging on the cross, with the three nails holding Him up, calling out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He was still in the centre of the will of God.
Someone asked me what I learnt last year and it got me thinking. One of the lessons I learned is that,
Failure does not mean defeat; it simply means God loves us too much to allow the danger of pre-matured success in our lives.
What we, many a times, fail to understand is that handling success before time also means that we are not yet moulded for success. God’s perfect time prepares us for the side effects of success. It keeps us from pride, evil and sin. His time is beautiful than our time.
Here are few verses to draw more light on how different God’s ways are. In Romans 11:33 “Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!” Ecclesiastes 3: 11, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
So, let’s continue trusting Him!
Question: Are there any areas where you find it tough to trust God entirely? How do you handle failure?
Next Post: Don’t miss! Interview with leader, Lee Grady.