Many would agree the pastor is the spiritual leader who disciples people in their walk with Christ. Paul led the Church of Acts through personal fathering and apostolic mentorship. With his sons, Timothy and Titus, Paul fostered one-to-one relationships where he discipled his leaders on a personal level. For the churches in Acts, Paul ministered through letters written to teach and encourage, which guide the Body of Christ even today.
Yet how do we connect with the pastor’s wife, the mother of the house?
Enjoy this exceptional gift of hearing from Pastor Tiny Mathew, beloved wife of Pastor Shyju Mathew, as she shares in a two part series, how to connect and receive from your pastor’s wife, that you may be led by the anointed women of God appointed by Heaven to mother you to maturity! Next week, look forward to a powerful word of exhortation to our pastor’s wives as part of this special series on appreciation of our pastor’s wives.
To begin, your relationship with your pastor’s wife must be understood as a spiritual connection, ordained by the Spirit, and received by your spirit.
Hebrews 13: 7 says, “Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.” As you closely observe your pastor’s wife’s love for Jesus, her walk with God, the way she serves and submits to her husband, how she worships, even how she carries herself, you can greatly receive, learn, and grow. Carefully study any teachings, blogs, tweets or methods your pastor’s wife employs to share her faith even as you consider her example. There is no greater person you can imitate than your spiritual mother and your spiritual father.
Apostle Paul said,” Imitate me as I imitate Christ.” (1 Cor. 11:1) When you imitate your spiritual mother, you’re imitating Christ because she imitates Christ. Watch how your pastor’s wife leads, how she functions and follow her example closely.
Perhaps, you want to be mentored more closely, like Timothy and Titus with Paul. To connect with the pastor’s wife will take time and trust. No relationship grows overnight. Like a friendship, mentorship takes time to grow.
On the journey to receive, consider these 10 powerful ways to honour and appreciate your pastor’s wife:
1. Ask the Holy Spirit
In order to receive from your leader, to have that close relationship, ask the Holy Spirit. He will reveal to you how you can touch your pastor’s wife’s heart and make a way for you to access the spiritual mother God has placed before you.
2. Honour your pastor’s wife
Take initiative to be a daughter or son of consistent blessing. There are different ways to serve your woman of God. Reflect that she’s not invisible, that she’s as visible as her husband. 85% of pastors’ wives feel unqualified and discouraged, so don’t ignore her. Acknowledge her, appreciate her, in whatever ways are possible.
Some practical ways of serving and honouring your woman of God might include:
a) Offer to babysit if she has small children, so she and her husband may have a date night.
b) If your pastor’s wife has to share the Word, offer to help so she can focus on preparing.
c) Especially on Sundays, when there are many meetings in your church, offer to help, with food, childcare, hospitality, or even carry the bags.
d) Buy your pastor’s wife something special
e) Let her know how valuable and precious she is.
3. Ask questions and seek her guidance
Take time to ask the woman of God questions and diligently learn from her. When you spend time with her, learn as much as you can. The information that you will receive from her, you won’t receive from anywhere else. Value that time.
4. Remember a pastor’s wife’s role is not an easy job
The pastor’s wife carries many burdens: she not only carries the church, she carries her husband’s burden because that is her first and foremost ministry, to love and stand by the Man of God. A pastor’s wife inevitably endures abuse, manipulation, hurts and criticism in the church. If she is guarded, life has forced that battle position. Guard and protect the woman of God who intercedes for you daily before the Lord.
5. Know your motive
Many times, people want to get close to the pastor’s wife to get closer to the pastor. If that is your motive, expect your plan to fall apart. If you want to get close to the pastor’s wife because you eagerly seek her counsel, direction and confidence, then be intentional.
6. Value the woman of God
Malachi 2:15 says “with the portion of the spirit they are made one.” Both the pastor and his wife are one, so when you receive from your pastor’s wife, it’s equal to receiving from the pastor. In the spirit, they’re made one. God has joined them together.
7. Examine your objections
Some women may cling to a male pastor and reject the pastor’s wife. Perhaps they have not had a father figure in their life or they have an orphan spirit and cling to a male pastor rather than a female pastor. There are some women who have been rejected by pastors’ wives in the past, so they have a hard time connecting with female pastors because of the fear of being rejected again. Go to the Lord and work it out. Let go of your need for one above the other and let God heal you.
8. See your pastor’s wife through the eyes of God
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you who she is in the spirit. If you see that your pastor’s wife is very shy or not as open, try to understand her. Maybe she has been through brokenness, maybe she has been through trials you have not seen, so learn to love her for who she is and your love will heal her. It’s not easy to be a pastor’s wife; the battles that she goes through are intense. Be patient and gracious, as the Lord is gracious with you.
9. Avoid criticizing or correcting your pastor’s wife
Be a blessing to your pastor’s wife and avoid criticism. If you don’t like something about your pastor’s wife, remain quiet. It is not your job to fix your pastor’s wife. You’re not her God, her mentor or her spiritual mother or father, so you don’t worry about fixing your pastor’s wife. You worry about working on your relationship with God. Fear God and work out your salvation. Fix yourself.
10. Avoid prophesying or trying to lead your pastor’s wife
You are not your pastor’s wife’s prophet. She has her prophet, her spiritual parent, her husband that leads her. Don’t try to lead her and give direction because she doesn’t have to receive from you. Sometimes you do that because you are looking for affirmation or approval, to prove that you’re gifted, that you hear from God. You must instead give your pastor’s wife opportunity to lead you with the revelation she has received, that she may teach and lead you. Don’t try to teach her and lead her.
Beloved, celebrate the call of your pastor’s wife! As you value her choices to love the Body, to serve faithfully her husband, her family and her congregation, follow her anointed example. Exponential growth is certain.
Watch the video here.