Where do you seek your validation? Approved by Heaven Series – Part 1/5

Shyju Mathew

"Experience the Word of God, in the power of the Spirit."

September 3, 2016


Dear friends, my apologies for missing few weeks. It has been a bit crazy with so much happening in a little time. Last week I’m back from a powerful Holy Spirit time from Kenya. But we have something exciting for all our subscribers for the next few weeks. I am excited to introduce my son in the Lord, Francesco Pagnotta to our partners and friends. He’s a young man whose encounter with Jesus changed everything in His life. He shares these posts without holding back from all the lessons he has learnt from his new precious journey in Christ. I am sure this series will not only bless you but bless all your friends that you share this posts with. Blessings, Shyju. 

After reflecting upon past conversations, many times I’d find myself thinking, “Why did I even say that?! What compelled me to open my big mouth? Was I supposed to say that? What do they think of me? Am I annoying?”

I was so caught up in what others thought of me because I didn’t think too highly of myself.

Unfortunately, low self-esteem and insecurity are part of the nature of this broken world that we are born into. Those negative seeds are planted into our minds through what we are exposed to whether it be unattainable societal expectations, harsh words spoken by friends and family members, traumatic events, or other schemes of the enemy which we unknowingly, and even knowingly entertain. These circumstances leave deep wounds in the perception we have of ourselves. These wounds affect us daily in the way we treat ourselves and others around us.


I knew I needed wisdom to change, so I skimmed through the book of Proverbs, and began to monitor the motives behind my actions and more importantly, my words. I ended up noticing a few patterns in my speech that couldn’t go unchecked!

I found that often times I would blurt out information that people didn’t need to know, answer questions that weren’t asked, and express my opinion in conversations that didn’t need them. I always had to say something! I never really listened, but simply waited for my next chance to speak.

Proverbs 18:2 “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion (ESV).”

I was unknowingly playing the fool. Holy Spirit convicted me and revealed to me that I lacked wisdom. In seeking wisdom I realized that my insecurity stemmed from a need of approval.

One way or another if you were around me you WOULD notice me, listen to me, and hopefully tell me what I wanted to hear.


Before proceeding I find it necessary that I address encouragement. In my opinion, encouraging others should be every Christian’s assignment. As one body, one family united and washed in the blood of Jesus, we absolutely must be there to uplift, support, and strengthen each other through each others valleys. We need to consciously and continually remind each other of our inheritance in Christ, our inclusion in the kingdom, and our worth in God’s eyes.

Without knowing it, when I would interact with my spiritual family, I would foolishly abuse my access. I was taking advantage of people’s willingness to listen, their personal information and time, their kindness and love for me, in an attempt to fill a void that only God can fill.


We absolutely need to establish relationships with our brothers and sisters, and be supportive of each other. But know that the desperation to be noticed by them, whether subconscious or conscious, means that somewhere deep down we have not stepped into our identity in Christ. I pray that in reading the following posts you go with me on a journey towards wisdom, Truth and discovery.  Identify yourself or others around you who fall into to the same patterns of validation seeking, and work towards encouraging yourself and others through God’s word.

The next  four posts will introduce different validation-seeking personas I took on in my interactions with others:

  1. The fisher of compliments
  2. The eavesdropper
  3. The bringer of information, and
  4. The attention magnet

If this interests would you also take a minute to subscribe to this blog and share this post with someone you care? I cant wait to share the next post, “Why do I fish for compliments? Understanding the pity seeker Part 2/5