Disastrous Effects of an Extramarital Affair and 7 Keys to Avoid It

affair, cheating, unfaithful, unfaithfulness

Shyju Mathew

"Experience the Word of God, in the power of the Spirit."

July 5, 2012

This entry is part 7 of 9 in the series Secret Sin Series

Welcome! This post is a part of Secret Sins Series. See all the topics in the series here.

Cheating on your partner is common news in today’s world. Extramarital Affairs followed by divorce has not brought fulfilment but instead has led to multiple divorces proving that experience does not cause your marriage to get any stronger.

affair, cheating, unfaithful, unfaithfulness

I have had many interesting questions my young friends have asked about my marriage
experience. And one repeated question has been, “Will getting married help us stop being tempted?” Now if you are already married you know the answer to this one. There is truth in what they say, marriage is intended to keep you holy.

Now the intention to keep you holy and accountable does not necessarily mean the absence of temptation.

Truth is that these affairs do not happen in a day. If you read the blogpost on roots of trouble, you will remember how everything starts with a seed.

As Dr. Gary Chapman notes that  the “love euphoria (intense excitement)” in a marriage dwindles after a while. It is then when it is important that we choose to love. Yes, love is a
decision. Now if love is a decision then so it is in remaining faithful.

Being faithful in marriage is an intentional act of love and surrender. I’m assuming that we do not need reminders on why adultery is not healthy but for those who really have not pondered on it, here are some of the reasons:

  • Cheating on your spouse is going to cause your family to break.
  • Even if your spouse decides to forgive you cause them to go through much emotional trauma and sow bad memories.
  • It then almost takes a lifetime for them to trust you again. That is a heavy price.
  • The unforgiving character defamation comes with it.
  • Your unfaithfulness opens the window in your life to the attack of the enemy who claims his right through sin.
  • You misrepresent the name of Jesus Christ.
  • But most of all, you break the heart of God who loves you so much and yet hates unfaithfulness. Ouch! Now if nothing else stops you, this point should!

Let’s take this further by looking at seven steps of caution to avoid any extramarital relationships:

1. Beware of False Distractions:

Most of the time, the enemy will bring distraction by bringing attraction by common interests. From burden to praying to enjoying the same music. This seems to be the first step of seeds being sown. Is it wrong to appreciate? No, not unless you then begin to water those seeds.

2. Beware of False Comparisons:

Those appreciations can become troubled water when you then begin to compare the other person with your partner. God has designed everyone uniquely and to be discontent and compare your partner with someone else is to open a big door for the enemy to enter into your married life.

3. Beware of the Danger Zones:

Many of these wrong relationships brew in the workplaces when there is plenty of time to catch up. And the time that has to be invested between a husband and wife relationship is then invested to a third person bringing more emotional bonding. The enemy begins to lie to you about how the other person cares more than your partner. When you find such an opportunity, then that should be an opportunity to shut that door. See more on that on “How to Overcome Sexual Temptations

4. Beware of False Feelings:

These subtle admirations then become false feelings that the enemy brings into your heart. The deceptive spirits wants you to believe that it is love. Don’t fall for those feelings and don’t fall for that lie of the enemy. Now is the time to run from it. Simply disconnect with that person that may cause you to bring feelings. It might not make sense to you or the other person but it will sure help guard your marriage.

5. Beware of False Assurances:

The enemy who is after you to take you down will not stop with just false praises or flattering compliments, you might hear assuring words that seem to put your heart at peace. No, don’t listen to the lie that they will be there for you. BEWARE! Don’t let sweet notes or special gifts sway your heart.

6. Beware of Secrets:

Sin breeds faster in private. The thought that no one is going to catch or know is the greatest fuel that pushes people to try stupid things that they will regret later in life. And to facilitate that, you begin to let lies into the relationship taking every bit of credibility and now your heart begins to become numb to the affection and the reality of your marriage. Pursue 100% transparency in your marriage. If you missed the mark don’t be afraid to confess and recommit. Deceit and cover-ups are just steps away from losing your marriage to foolishness. Remember, in meeting in secret, the lines are easier to cross.

7. Beware of the False Touch:

Lingering handshakes to harmless winks are all parts of this deception. The enemy quickly arouses your emotions to make you feel all the more special. The touches and brushes may feel like lighting a flame inside you but also remember that fire is not from God and therefore will burn down everything around you too.

It is only the fire of God that can burn without destroying. If you are at this stage, it is high time you repent before God and completely cut off and flee from sin.

There are no such accidents in God.

He turns all things for good for them that love Him.

Learn your lesson and go back to the marriage that God has planted you in.

Discuss: What more can you add to the list? What kind of struggles or temptations do you face? What are the practical ways that you keep yourself faithful in your marriage? And your other thoughts, let us know below.

[Next week in the SS-Series: “Building a Breaking Marriage – Is Divorce an Option?”, Subscribe for free to receive the post in your inbox here.]

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