Building a Breaking Marriage – Is Divorce an Option?


Shyju Mathew

"Experience the Word of God, in the power of the Spirit."

July 7, 2012

This entry is part 8 of 9 in the series Secret Sin Series

Welcome! This post is a part of Secret Sins Series. See all the topics in the series here.

[Spanish Translation] Let’s see what the Bible says. Nothing explains our issues better than the Bible itself.


Is it ok to divorce?

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:3–6)

God’s position on divorce

For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.” (Malachi 2:16)

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10–11)

Marriage covenant unto death (Adultery’s potential to end marriage)

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39)

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:32)

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)

Divorce as a means to marry someone else is adultery

And in the house the disciples asked Him again about this matter. And He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” (Mark 10:10–12)

Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.” (Luke 16:18)

Remarriage is permitted for the innocent party in case of adultery, spouse’s death or when a non-christian divorces a believer

And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Matthew 19:9)

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39)

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15)

It’s painful to see couples threatening divorce as easily as its buying popcorns at a circus! And many of us are like snow skaters lost in a desert with no clue why there is so much dusty wind & parched land.

This post is for you my dear husband and wife, if you are contemplating divorce. Here are few thoughts you must really pay attention to:

1. Staying Away & Taking a Break is Not a Solution

It’s amazing how couples think that staying away from each other will help. Oh no, it won’t! That’s what the world thinks. Because if the two of you are feeling the break-up already, how is it that a further break away will be able to help?

Staying away for healing does not usually work in marriage for many reasons. If there is already discontent that is set in, then distance will not create a healing but instead feed impatience, selfishness and the sense of freedom and relief from the very thing you are accountable and responsible about.

My generation, hear me, let’s get our act straight. Let’s face the reality. If you are trying to get things done on Earth, don’t try working it from Mars.

Tell your sweetheart you are not leaving his/her side, no matter what happens and you are going to continue to love him/her. Clear out what the issues are between both of you. This is a good time to remember (and renew) your vows. And believe me, my God has a habit of showing up inside the fire.

2. You Need Help

It’s crazy how people wait till their world is crumbling down before they try to get help. I know it’s all in us. We want to fix it ourselves, hoping to hide our shame & in the process forget about the real shame when it is too stinky to hide anymore.

You are not supposed to do it by yourself anyway. God created us to be interdependent and even sent us a helper, the HOLY SPIRIT. There should be no shame, when you reach out for help. After all you are human and you are not supposed to be all knowing.

Keep your family informed (provided you have a God fearing family who believes in marriage for life). Get in touch with a matured minister of Jesus (who can see as God sees) to speak into your lives. Remember it’s not over until you stop believing in God who has NEVER said it is over for you both!

3. Do Your Part

So often I see people pointing fingers at their partner. But hey, what about you? Have you done your part? You blame your partner to be selfish, but does that come from a selfless husband/wife?

Don’t expect everything to fall into place if you have been provoking your partner with harsh, unkind words. Have you been digging out their stinky past? May be that’s why your marriage is stinking all the more.

Bury your past and bury it alive if you must! Read this post for a check list.

4. Deal With the Root Cause

Find out what has been causing the conflicts and together deal with it. For instance, sadly many houses have their in-laws causing the most misunderstandings due to various insecurities and egos. Remember three times the Bible mentions about the man leaving his parents to hold fast to his wife. God wants you to trust Him completely to build your home afresh and to be able to set the values of your house on His principles.

You’ll be surprised how many issues are sorted when you allow it to be settled among yourself and just the counselors you are accountable to. Choose to care about the feelings of your spouse that God blessed you with before you try to please anyone else outside your marriage (yes, even your parents for that matter).

5. Pray

It’s too often that we come across disappointed people who are mad with God for not jumping on their issue overnight. First of all remember that God loves you anyway!

Seek God in prayer and your prayer must be of two-fold. One, prayer must be rooted in forgiveness, love and humility. Two, your prayer should include, unconditional thanksgiving, praise and faith.

And overall remember, God will use you to raise the standard of marriage in this generation! So don’t quit my friend. Hold on and keep on working it in faith.

With you in prayers!

Question: Can you suggest ways in which believers can keep their marriages strong, so that it becomes a testimony in itself for the world to see?

[Next week in the SS-Series: “Sex Before Marriage: 7 Real Issues to Face! Subscribe for free to receive the post in your inbox here.]


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