Sex Before Marriage: 7 Real Issues to Face!


Shyju Mathew

"Experience the Word of God, in the power of the Spirit."

July 11, 2012

This entry is part 9 of 9 in the series Secret Sin Series
Welcome! This is a part of the Secret Sins Series. See the list of all the topics in the series here. With this post, we have come to an end with the SS-Series: Subscribe for free to receive future blogposts and upcoming series in your inbox here.

[Spanish Translation] Sex is not bad. Sex is a gift from God to us. Between a husband and wife, it is an intimate act that cannot be expressed in words. However, what about sex before marriage?

The concept of restraining from sex before marriage is so alien today in our generation. Striving for purity in a relationship is spoken of but hardly achieved.

Making matters worse is the concept of live-in relationships when couples decide to move into a house before marriage. Much good intentions are like lines drawn on water. It disappears as quickly as it was created.


The question that arises in many a young heart is, why does God withhold such pleasure? If God is saying no, it is not because He wants us to be desperate, frustrated and miserable. If He says no, it is because He loves us and cares for us.

Each time we decide to take things into our own hands, it is destructive and even heartbreaking.

Sexual pleasure without the covenant relationship of marriage is heaven without Jesus. I mean there is no real joy in it. And if you think that there is any joy in it, it is only a temporary pleasure.

The Real Issues

1. Sex outside marriage is your flesh becoming your master

Your flesh does not want to please God. Our body craves for satisfaction or pleasure of some sort.
“For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” Romans 8:7-8 ESV

And through feeding the flesh we become bound and slaves to sin.

2. Sex outside marriage hurts your relationship with God

Sin distorts your walk with God. It fills your heart with fear and robs you of your confidence to approach God. You are created to pursue purity and the Jesus-like nature. But the enemy wants to fill your heart with emptiness and remove the joy of the Holy Spirit from you.

Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.Romans 8: 8, 13 ESV

3. Sex outside marriage creates unhealthy soul ties

The devil enjoys tying people down away from their destiny. To get involved outside of marriage is to be tied down and not just physically. There is an unhealthy, dangerous, emotional and mental connection that blurs your vision of marriage. This can be a great hindrance and a great mental struggle even decades later. Read more on soul ties here.

4. Sex outside marriage harms a healthy marriage

The first unit God created is a family. Oh, how the devil hates it! In the process of trying to destroy your marriage, the enemy tries to pull you down, distort your perceptions and deviate you from the rib God created for you. It really takes God to heal any wrongful memories that you may create by going out of the will of God – it’s not to be taken lightly.

5. Sex outside marriage has physical consequences too

Did you know the youngest pregnant girl in the world is only a five years old? Please don’t even think of adding to the sin by today’s common option of abortion and becoming a cold blooded murderer.

There are also other risks of sexually transmitted diseases and addictions. When many think of precautions and laugh it off saying that this won’t happen with you, the truth is that all it takes is that one time.

6. You are fighting the future

I mean you are sleeping with someone else’s husband or someone else’s wife. Or probably, you are also sinning against your own future husband or wife. Imagine finally when you meet that someone who may have been waiting for you but you did not, all because you were selfish to get what you want! The pain and the memories are simply not worth it.

7. Don’t open the gift too soon

Savour that awesome moment to discover it with your partner for life. Don’t open the gift wrappers with someone else and finally when Christmas comes, you already know what’s in it. There is a time and occasion that God has kept for you to enjoy it, don’t be in a hurry and miss that moment in time.

Caution: To think that you’re different and others experiences won’t matter to you is shortsighted, unwise and arrogant. It may also seem like all who love you and warn you against sinful ways may sound like ignorant fools. But odds are better that your parents, your pastors, older married friends are wiser than you think.

Many of them don’t think of it till that temptation comes knocking at the door. You may think that you will be the last person to do it. However if you do not continue to guard your heart and not recognise the danger, the moment will sweep you away too soon.

Everyday surrender your sexual life to God and His plans for you. Keep yourself on guard with relationships, don’t intentionally put yourself in risk zones. See the post on how you can overtake these sexual temptations.

For those who think it’s too late: It’s never too late to surrender. His mercies are new every morning. Many people that I know who made this mistake have confessed that if it is not for God, it is impossible to stop living in this sin. So if you are struggling, don’t feel alone.

Jesus understands your struggle more than anyone else and He still loves you and that is why it is important that you go to Him right away! He will accept you as you are with arms wide open. He will give you a new chapter in your life.

He’ll take away your guilt and shame and turn your mess into a message. Go to Jesus right now! Simply talk to Him as a friend and say no to sin without mercy. Walk out of sin and any compromising relationship!

So let’s remember, simply because sex is a gift from God, it is only right to obey Him on when you need to open that gift. You are worth waiting for and marriage is beautiful. Trust God and walk with Him! Enjoy your singleness when you can and after that enjoy the marriage in all its glory!

What is your view on sex before marriage? What counsel have you given to someone who is in a similar condition? Or what have you been advised when you struggled with this matter? Do share with us below in the Comments section and encourage our other readers to live a holy and pure life for God and God alone.


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